The status of my personal life puzzles me half the time and I can only smile wryly for anyone chancing upon this place. Here’s a redux in reverse chronological order.

Updated August 2014.

Country Boy

Met: Online dating site

There was a fascinating energy and curiosity in his contact and we met in my now-usual park. It’s four years year. He is tall, fair, attractive and attached, but I chose the selfish route in ignoring his relationship status to see him. We’ve had a couple of breaks where we’ve ended up realising that we like hanging out with each other and that’s what we’re doing at the moment.

Status: On.

Skinny Lover

Met: Online dating site

I thought I’d achieved a level of maturity in encouraging someone who was normal, just good old normal. We experienced a delay prior to our second meeting and spent one worthwhile night exploring each other. We had some phone contact in the days after and he then disappeared for unknown reasons.

Status: Gone.

Cub

Met: Online dating site

He was the first meeting and sexual liaison after finishing with the Country Boy. Substantially younger, adventurous, enthusiastic and with a self-proclaimed beautiful cock, we enjoyed one bout of enjoyable sex but, again, the contact I was looking for wasn’t there and I ended contact after organising a second meeting.

Status: Ended.

Mogul

Met: Online dating site

We didn’t meet the first time around; as it turned he met the woman to become his girlfriend a few nights earlier and cancelled by disappearing at the last moment. He returned six months later and it took me a while to warm to him because six months of contact without meeting built a different picture of him. As soon as I did open up, he disappeared again.

Status: Gone.

Steele

Met: Online dating site

Not a lot to say. Met casually and he wandered off and then returned to ask when we were catching up. Had enjoyable, relaxed sex on his office lounge suite and he called to arrange another time, but has cancelled twice at the last moment. We’ve had some sporadic contact but haven’t met in person again — we bumped into each other in mid-2011 and he is now married with a pregnant wife, but enthusiastic about meeting me again.

Status: Off for now.

NZ

Met: Online dating site

Early forties, tall, rangy, intelligent man in an open relationship (as in a real one in which his wife knows about his other life). We had failed attempts at sexual activity in his car a few times but a couple of hotel sessions have been all systems go. Vanilla so far but both of us are keen to escalate.

Status: On occasionally.

Team Canada

Met: Online dating site

Similar age, seemingly well-adjusted Canadian man with a self-proclaimed high sex drive and dirty mind. Met once in a park and had sex in the back of his car in late Jan 10. He lasted about 30 seconds and then disappeared from phone contact.

Status: Gone.

Young Lion

Met: Online dating site

Late twenties single man who lives with his parents, doesn’t drive and runs out of money on his pre-paid mobile phone. I’ve enjoyed his intense earnestness and unrelenting battles with the strength of his libido, and we engaged in oral sex in my car months ago but catching up for hotel time was becoming too much of a challenge for me. He came through with great enthusiasm and we had sex in beach parkland in Jan 10. He comes and goes at the last minute and I have lost enthusiasm and patience.

Status: Off.

The Executive

Met: Online dating site

Older, married and holds a commanding position in his industry and society, judging by the strain on his diary. We met and enjoyed some half-naked games in the back of his car but I ended contact after weeks of him not having time to meet. He returned and we met once in late October for a few hours of hotel sex but I was off my game. He didn’t return my message the day after.

Status: Gone.

The Bachelor

Met: Online dating site

Half a dozen years younger, single and not interested in anything more than casual interactions. Relaxed, attractive man with a ‘try everything at least once’ attitude. Met once for drinks and less-than-stellar sex in Oct 09 but the subsequent times were most enjoyable. He disappeared about March 2010.

Status: Off.

Country Hottie

Met: Online dating site

The first man I met from the online world. We expressed mutual attraction but didn’t pursue contact for any real reason except both being new to the game and still window shopping. I also thought he was too far away, however, my view changed after the commencement of our sexual relationship and now knowing the physical rewards for driving a few extra miles. He’s early forties, separated, very easy on the eye, can discuss anything with interest and maintains the body of a professional athlete. We’ve indulged in bondage and roleplay sessions, making me squirt like a fire hose but refusing to teach me how and engaged in some of the most satisfying sex of my life. He wandered off in Oct 09.

Status: He comes and goes. Appears gone.

Lesson learned: Fuck knows, but I squirt!

Mr OMG

Met: Online dating site

Half a dozen years younger, coming out of a long-term relationship but not at the stage of seeing others knowingly without having his balls ripped from his body. I didn’t get a true grip on his erratic communication yet he was sweet in personality and I don’t think he knew how obscenely beautiful he was. On a superficially lustful level, I wanted to experiment with his scarily large cock that shouldn’t come out without a warning sign attached.

Status: We met in his a couple of times and he later disappeared from contact. After a few months we coyly made contact again and started seeing each other Sep 09 for a couple of false starts. At the moment he’s engaged, attentive and fucking like an angel and I hope it lasts longer.

Mr Chilled

Met: Online dating site

Puzzling chap. Amiable, available, with a cock piercing I want to experiment with and we had one exploration in Jan 09 that smacked of promise. Perhaps too relaxed in that he’s happy to respond to messages but initiate nothing and I like and crave the build-up and anticipation between meetings. We met again in Nov 09 to complete what we started and he’s off in Chill Land again.

Status: Gone.

Lesson learned: Fuck a cock-pierced man on the first date because it might not happen again. Next lesson learned: it didn’t make much difference to the sensation but he felt pretty damn good anyway.

Urban Vagabond

Met: The blogiverse and online dating site

Handsome, fun, smart man with intriguing and varied history and experiences. We had a positive and enjoyable first meeting in Dec 09. No further meetings but we were a nothing ventured, nothing gained, but nothing promised adventure of the respectful kind.

Status: Gone.

Jekyll

Met: Online dating site

Energetic, sometimes bisexual man out for all he can experience in this life and we were ‘together’ about 10 months. We met weekly in all manner of places such as parks, offices, car parks and hotels due to distance but frequency waned because of an increase in distance. Was probably the healthiest of my partnerships because we liked and lusted after each other but boundaries have remained firm and controlled. A few firsts were with him: fisting, M/F/M threesomes (the F was me yayyyyy), mutual rimming and first car sex in a long time.

Status: Gone after I incited an argument in Mar 09 and we were both too stubborn to back down.

Lesson learned: He was the first person I met from the online dating site and didn’t have a profile photo – communication and gut feel count for a lot.

ArmyDude

Met: Online dating site and work

I bent so many rules with him: have fucked him on his family couch, on his marital bed, in my office and in storerooms after (and occasionally during) business hours. The more I see him, the more I want to explore the touch of the insane and uncontrollable we have. I have had a break or two from contact to cool off the sanity-breaking intensity. Update Aug 09: it’s amazing how knowing that he’s having relationship issues has dampened my enthusiasm for him. I avoided him and never went back.

Hyde

Met: Online dating site on a profile with Jekyll. I had already met with Jekyll several times before I met Hyde.

Smart, handsome professional on the outside with obvious undertones of kinky devil. One of the most interesting men I’ve met: has been married for 15 years, fucked around for most of them and prefers men for casual liaisons because he considers it less adulterous than having sex with women. Stunning rimmer and had my first two (and only) threesomes with him and Jekyll, for which I’m eternally glad as he surrounds his depravity with consideration and kindness.

MB

Met: Online forum

Insanely attractive, depressive man. A long build-up through e-mails resulted in a resounding crash when I flew interstate to meet him mid-last year with all good intentions and close to no commonsense. His marriage had ended not long before we met, leaving the gate wide open for disaster. After some initial sex of the crazed and abandoned kind I live for, he came down with a huge dose of the guilts and shunned me until I got on the plane home. Weirdly enough, we had the history to survive the crash and are friends of sorts, though I’m glad he’s in another part of the country.

Lesson learned: Getting too close is a decision, not an inevitable state. Don’t be so fucking stupid and selfish again.

M1

Met: Sporting activity

Quiet, smart man with an added dimension behind his dark eyes. My first foray into the world of non-monogamy and BDSM starting about mid 2007. Overachiever me honed in on someone with dominant tendencies, a leather paddle, collar and restraints and I rode a rollercoaster of panic, elation, fear, awakening as a submissive and latent desire to wield the tools of punishment myself. I read books, scanned blogs, found BDSM supply shops and lost myself in a swirling tornado of obsession. It took months for me to find the self awareness to stop, reflect and not automatically assume the dominant knows best (after a couple of episodes where I was set up for failure and punished as sport). We drifted and I lost the desire, quite simply (I wish endings would continue to be so clean-cut).

Lesson learned: The BDSM lifestyle isn’t for me, nor are most of its labels and conceptions. I am too fluid in behaviour and desires and learned that it was fine, really okay, to pick the bits I like and incorporate them freely.

The Drummer

My partner, with whom I’ve been in a relationship for close to a decade.

We opened the relationship more than two years ago after lack of sexual satisfaction and infidelity on his side. I took about six months — after agreeing to a trial — to try the new lifestyle. As life has panned out, I’ve adapted and become absorbed in a poly life more actively than him. Our sex life has been in the toilet for the past few months (that’s non-existent sex and not brown-sport scat sex, thank you very much). I’m relaxed as we’re talking regularly and we’ve been around the block enough times to know the cycles of long-term desire wax and wane. Anti-anxiety medications are destroying his libido and erections. I have been there myself with several cycles of anti-depressants and understand the frustration to all involved.

The ones who never were

The European: our diaries lined up and we indulged in an outdoors and public toilet roleplay. Once-off fun. Gone.

Young Tradesman: met a few times and messed about but his last-minute booty calls weren’t my thing and my invitations with a few days’ notice weren’t his thing. Consider either gone or rarely around.

Pierce: nice build-up but I wasn’t attracted to him in the flesh but ended up atop a picnic table in the dark performing oral sex on each other. It was for all the wrong reasons and he unfortunately was the one who wanted to keep in touch.

The man who kissed with a tongue like a giant sea slug: initial meeting went positively but he brushed me off later, saying I reminded him of his sister. I’m fair and blonde and he’s olive-skinned with black hair, so I left him to his excuses. He sent a message recently saying he regretted we didn’t play and I sent him away.

That’s better. Phew.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s