I decided to suspend my profile after chatting to a young man who wanted to make my breasts “work”. My first thought was that they were going to don suits and heels and head to the office on my behalf.
I was too curious for my own good and requested that he elaborate. He asked if I’d take a lactation supplement to see if my breasts would spurt milk as a result of some form of manhandling during sex.
Can women who aren’t pregnant or lactating produce milk? Or even fluid? I haven’t checked but the thought of being involved in whatever technique elicits production makes me queasy. I consider myself open minded but that doesn’t mean every idea is going to appeal – this was definitely one that went straight to the ‘no’ pile.
The really uncomfortable
Before I made my account invisible I left a message for two remaining men with my phone number. I had wanted to touch base with them but hadn’t been online at the same time.
Within five minutes one had sent me a voicemail confirming he had received the message. Fifteen minutes later he called and then sent a text message asking if I was free to talk. I returned his message an hour later and he returned my call within 10 seconds (can you see where this one is going?)
We spoke briefly but I got the speed wobbles when he invited me to his house that night and said that other women were comfortable with that routine. I said I preferred to meet first in a public place like a bar and he agreed, but then asked what I drank, as if to imply I’d be heading to his house for a drink and he wanted to be prepared.
I am aware that after the experiences of the last few weeks I’m prone to jumping at shadows, however, something about the words he used made me uncomfortable. I tested my gut feel and asked him to send a photo as I hadn’t seen his; he deflected my request by saying I’d learn what he looked like when I met him. A few minutes after we finished the call he sent a message and invited me to his house that night. After the quick-fire responses but rejection of a simple and normal request for a photo, I felt trapped and sent a message saying I had changed my mind and wouldn’t be meeting him.
And then it started. He sent a message saying he was a “nice guy” and I should give him a chance. He sent a similar message 15 minutes later. He phoned from his mobile number and left a voicemail. He phoned from a private number and left a voicemail. He texted again. I didn’t respond at all but he kept the calls and messages coming. I told The Drummer about my predicament and he thought it was funny for the first few attempts at contact but he, too, was becoming annoyed at the intrusion.
The following day he started calling again from both a private number and his mobile phone. I have 15 missed calls and messages from the first day, half a dozen the day after and four so far on day three. I’m glad I listened to my inner voice that said something wasn’t right, however, I wasn’t expecting a barrage like this. If he doesn’t go away soon I’ll have to consider visiting the local police station for assistance.
Edited to add: He stopped a few days later (I hope he stays away as the obsessive ones tend to return on weekends when they have more time to think)
Edited to add more: Only in the last fortnight a woman was held hostage for two days after meeting a man following contact on an online site. They apparently met in a public place and it appears that she was driven to his house afterwards or kidnapped and taken by force. The most chilling aspect so far has been the discovery by police of a recently-dug shallow grave in the man’s backyard when they rescued her. I am in no way implying the man I just described had similar intentions but it is a lesson for us all to keep our wits keen and always remember personal safety.
The tricky trickster
The last man left standing was a communicative dream. There was a pleasing and reasonable time between text messages and he offered to send a photo without prompting as he remembered that I hadn’t seen his pictures. The main challenge was that he might be relocated for work before Christmas (a military man) but I thought perhaps – if we got on well — an intense fling prior to Christmas might be good for me.
We arranged to meet mid-week and the night before he sent a message saying he had a deadline and offered me the next night or the weekend as options. My choice. All good so far, although the single-worded “sorry” at the end of his message set off a small alarm bell, almost as if it contradicted and dismissed the previously friendly words of his message. But, like I have said, I’m jumping at shadows so I filed my observation away and suggested the Friday night. He replied positively and I sent the last message confirming the plans. Again, all good so far.
I didn’t hear back from him in the two days leading up to the Friday so it was obvious by then that he had either never intended to meet or had changed his mind at some time. I wondered if I should let it go, like I have done with others in the past, or send a message. I’m accepting if people change their minds, but I verge on fury when I am discarded like a piece of rubbish. Not on.