Forties now.

Feminist. Submissive. Dominant. Depressive. Imaginative. Smart. Insecure. Lively. Insular. Sharp. Bumbling. Blunt. Sensitive.

Life can be confusing.

In a long-term, committed relationship with The Drummer. After a long and painful period of working out our sexual needs and desires weren’t compatible, regardless of the depth of our love, we separated, got back together and opened the relationship more than two years ago. It was his idea but he was patient – and optimistic – enough to wait for me to decide if I could take a step towards a new way of living our lives together. It’s working, it’s exhilarating, it’s frustrating, it’s confronting at times but it’s forced us to communicate more and build a stronger bond.

I followed a dark shadow in my mind and discovered BDSM. It enlivens and refreshes and wracks my nerves and makes me doubt my sanity.

My hunger grew and I discovered bisexual men and fucking without love. I can’t fuck without affection though and the art of allowing closeness without penetrating emotional boundaries is a work in progress.

From mainly the online world, I’ve met about 25 prospective partners and had sex with about 15 of them. Vanilla, kinky, a couple of M/F/M threesomes, hotel days, frenetic couplings in parks and the passenger seat of cars and a few times in my former workplace for good measure.

These are the thoughts and stories. The stories are neatly-tied packages in themselves but the main aim of this space is to indulge in understanding what touches me, leaves me cold, brings me to tears or doesn’t — or shouldn’t need to — make any sense at all. Where else do we have to talk about such things?

I don’t visit here often enough as other writing takes my energy, and my hormones often rest at the bottom of the roller coaster ride rather than the crest, but I’ll drop by and tell stories as I can.

19 thoughts on “About

  1. Thank you for reading and commenting. I haven’t read the ‘about’ page for a couple of months, and it’s prompted some draft notes about BDSM and life since then.

  2. Hey there!
    LOVE your Blog! Design, content, layout – gabulous!

    I’ve just started my own sex-oriented Blog called ‘The Daily Spank’ and I would LOVE to place a link on my site of your lovely Blog. Will do so later today. Could we trade links? Please check out my writing – it mostly consists of funny/helpful sex advice, stories and personal experiences. And I’ve been getting mad traffic since it launched only 1 1/2 months ago.

    Anyway, either way, thanks and you’re amazing!

  3. Hi, I didn’t see much spanking on your blog. I saw fake breasts though — perhaps that’s one of the reasons why you get mad traffic and I don’t ;-).

  4. Such nice words when I’m in a middle of a pity party — thank you *smiles*. I haven’t discovered yours for some reason so I’ll trot off and have a look.

  5. I recently found this blog and enjoy it a lot. I’m looking forward to reading more and hope you’ll check out mine as well.

    I’m quite envious of the M-F-M threesome, as that’s a fantasy of mine.

  6. Thanks, Ronald, and welcome. I will indeed have a look at your part of the blog world.

    I would like more M/F/M as well — I was fortunate in having two men who have been together so the compatibility and chemistry made a couple of very special days :-).

  7. Despite my reading other entries on this blog, I just took a look at this post again and the comments, and apologize for not acknowledging your entry of 1-26-09, and want to volunteer to help you do another M-F-M session anytime you’re in Florida…..

  8. Florida’s quite a distance, but I’d love to add a threesome to my list of wants in that part of the world … space shuttles, a trip to Cuba and now MFM. The list grows :-).

  9. I’m a fan of this blog. I can’t let a week pass by without checking on her latest entries.

    Her message is deep. It is hidden behind the icing of all the titillating dark explorations we all enjoy to read. Even in her graphic header, I see not the shackles of the BDSM sub-culture but the symbol of a profound reality present in human existence.

    I can see through the beauty behind and amidst the madness, and could relate well to her passionate search for meaning.

  10. She thanks you for your kind words and thoughts.

    The handcuffs are more symbols of experimentation and learning (and enjoyment more often than not). A harsh word is often more painful than physical binding.


  11. With a name like Gazza, I’d guarantee we’re in the same country.

    Colour, not color. Realise, not realize :-).

    Thank you for the nice words — they mean a lot.

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