Dodging a bullet

Here are some subtle signs that a man on a first meeting isn’t into you:

  • He doesn’t touch or get close enough to be touched on greeting – not even for a handshake
  • He walks to the venue three body-widths to the side and half a width behind
  • He returns to talking about work when the conversation has been changed to more personal topics
  • His eyes wander to the group of office workers over there and that piece of rubbish being blown by the wind over there
  • He says he wants to drop by the office when five minutes earlier he said he avoids dropping by the office like the plague
  • He checks his phone even though it doesn’t ring or vibrate
  • He turns crushing his empty drink can into an artform
  • He says, “It was nice to meet you,” at the end

And you know what? After picking up on about the third clue and realising he wasn’t interested to the point of being repelled by me, I felt light of heart and feet and almost cartwheeled back to my car. I somewhat wish I knew why he didn’t find me the most stunning and alluring woman in the universe — just out of curiosity — but I’m not making contact again to find out.

But harking back to the truth in advertising comment in my last post, he was three inches shorter than the height he wrote in his profile, his pictures were taken at least five years ago and his gut had expanded substantially (he chose to create a user name that included an athlete-type word word in it). Physical features aren’t issues in themselves as attraction comes from the most unusual sources sometimes (an actor’s large and knobbly hands stole my attention the last time I watched gay porn), but obvious denial and bullshitting wastes everyone’s time. If I hadn’t arrived early and told him where I was so he could find me, I would have struggled to recognise him.

I never thought I’d be so pleased about being rejected.

6 thoughts on “Dodging a bullet

  1. I nodded at so many of the clues and your perceptive nature. Then smiled at the ‘truth in advertising’ issues with a self-deprecating thought that I have, maybe, been guilty of using an old photo in the belief that my smile and sparkling personality will outweigh the sense of disappointment that comes from discovering that I’ve added a pound or two.
    I laughed aloud when I read the bit about the earring. I’d go so far as to say that ANY earring is wrong on a man aged over 40, let alone one with the nike swoosh!

  2. Freddy, it can be tricky to suss out the body language of someone during a first meeting, but it became obvious eventually. The studied crushing of the drink can gave it away :-).

    Photos can be a double-edged sword. I don’t think anyone expects the absolute truth and perfect self awareness in profiles but that acceptance needs to be respected and balanced with not deceiving others. I met Jekyll without seeing a photo and that turned out well even though his ‘blonde’ hair was grey, and the Country Boy was drunk as a skunk in his picture — old or dodgy images can work.

    Hi Gaz, hopefully a winner for someone but definitely not for me. I’m not doing well so far.

  3. Body language can be so tricky.
    My first meeting with S began with a coffee. We sat on opposite sides of the table and even though she asked for a second cup my interpretation of the way she sat and her actions was that she wasn’t attracted to me.

    Turned out I was very wrong…

  4. Perhaps she was being polite and trying not to make you uncomfortable. First meetings are tricky, let alone that ‘shall we catch up again?’ moment at the end.

    She didn’t crush her cup in her hand so all was positive! 🙂

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