Re-naming online dating

Electronic tyre-kicking? The online equivalent of the local agricultural show? A never-ending cavalcade of dicks, clits and floppy bits?

The Drummer laughs when I turn on the computer and asks if I’m logging into Dick Pics Daily. He stopped smiling when I showed him a penis splayed atop a beer bottle in a novel attempt to demonstrate its breadth, macro photos of someone born with male and female genitalia, umpteen women with harlot-red lipstick and black eyeliner sucking cock in the style of their favourite cheap porn flicks, and dicks, lots of dicks.

I didn’t mind the images of the young man with the body of a Roman god and the head of Ben Stiller doing Zoolander’s ‘Blue Steel’. So sweet, so gloriously dumb, so corruptible.

The single naked photo of a police officer with lines carved from marble and a straighter-than-the-equator penis – fuck you for leaving a smile and not responding to my message. I dreamed of cladding you in a thick leather harness, breaking you down into a sobbing heap and re-building you with my tongue.

A profile picture of the peachiest rump ever placed on a male body that might need my fingers and thumbs digging into it went straight to my hot list for future contemplation.

A man with gently-angled eyes and chiselled cheekbones reminiscent of Lance Armstrong brought a smile.

The bi man I mentioned in my last diary entry (who may be referred to as Dr Jekyll from his delightfully evil ways – I will discover more tomorrow night) unlocked his private photo gallery and I viewed two pictures of him sucking his playmate’s cock. Dick photos are much more erotic when they have context and align with a fantasy. It might be worth sorting through the procession of penises to find more quality visual stimulation.

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