Rules of play

It looks like The Drummer has a date lined up. The solo woman from the swingers’ party e-mailed him a ‘toe in the water’ note asking his opinion of the night and they have exchanged a few messages.

I was behind the eight ball.

“Did you give Dee your details?”

“Yes, I gave her my business card.”

“Oh. When was this?”

“Just before we left. You were sitting next to me in the lounge room.”

“Oh. I must’ve been distracted by the video of bear skin-wearing women being double penetrated by gladiator knights.”

That would be right. I miss the only exciting part of the evening.

Perhaps ‘our’ view that she too closely resembled a family friend was a projection of mine because he is keen to see her. They are organising a hook-up next week in a hotel. The Drummer has been turned off home visits after his last potential play mate invited him to her house and he was met by her and a female friend. Rather than the interesting surprise of a triple play, she and her friend decided our situation was the material of modern-day documentaries and only wanted him there to answer questions about our lifestyle.

I think Dee’s attending a swingers’ party by herself indicates she’s not a tyre kicker so I hope she and The Drummer have some fun. Tonight’s update is that she has asked if I’m coming along, but I still can’t get past the doppelganger aspect. They can get to know each other better and I’ll see what happens later down the track. That’s another reason blindfolds were invented, I suppose.

Insisting on a neutral meeting place has been one of the first rules The Drummer has mentioned. I’ve had only one lover in the last six months, possibly because my own list of rules keeps growing. Whoever assumes opening a relationship is like being given a master key to a brothel is wrong, especially when stepping through the potential landmines of jealousy, possessiveness and the type of communication to be conducted with others during ‘our’ time. It’s a delicate balancing act to manage interactions and respect tactful discretion without concealing information or providing too much detail.

Some of my rules of engagement have been long standing, such as not getting together with people in the workplace or with friends. I don’t need the gossip from the former and I’ve never been able to bear the thought of being naked with friends who I regard as brothers. I also don’t want to approach anyone who’s in both our social circles because it feels too claustrophobic. These filters reduce my pool of potential play mates to almost zero.

My newest decision is to not bother with once-off ‘normal’ encounters and only bite if a novel opportunity arises or one that could fulfil a fantasy. M1 introduced me to the psychology and practicalities of the submissive’s role in BDSM and MB is allowing me to unleash some dominant inner forces in the near future. I prefer a quality over quantity approach but perhaps I am still too closed about being open.

I sometimes wish I was brave enough to be more frank about my desires in a face-to-face environment because some of my fantasies involve people who don’t seem to lurk online. Police feature in my desires in scenarios with multiple men in uniform and proper handcuffs constraining my wrists and ankles. I need to stop dreaming about the men in blue and start asking.

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