The status of my personal life puzzles me half the time and I can only smile wryly for anyone chancing upon this place. Here’s a redux in reverse chronological order.

Updated Nov09.

The ones who never were

Met: Online dating site

The European: our diaries lined up and we indulged in an outdoors and public toilet roleplay. Once-off fun. Gone.

Young Tradesman: met once and messed about but his last-minute booty calls weren’t my thing and my invitations with a few days’ notice weren’t his thing. Consider either gone or rarely around.

Pierce: nice build-up but I wasn’t attracted to him in the flesh but ended up atop a picnic table in the dark performing oral sex on each other. It was for all the wrong reasons and he unfortunately was the one who wanted to keep in touch. He sends messages occasionally but the ties are cut from my perspective.

The man who kissed with a tongue like a giant sea slug: initial meeting went positively but he brushed me off later, saying I reminded him of his sister. I’m fair and blonde and he’s olive-skinned with black hair, so I left him to his excuses. He sent a message recently saying he regretted we didn’t play and I sent him away. Gone (I hope).

Lesson learned: Listen to the voice that says ‘you’re doing this for the right reasons’ and ‘you’re doing this for the wrong reasons’.

The Executive

Met: Online dating site

Older, married and holds a commanding position in his industry and society, judging by the strain on his diary. We met and enjoyed dinner and some half-naked games in the back of his car but I ended contact after many weeks of him not being able to commit time to meet. With me needing to book and pay for a hotel upfront, I wasn’t willing to risk last-minute cancellation if he couldn’t be more certain of his availability. We met once in late October for a few hours but I was off my game and unsure if I’ll repeat the experience. I’m unsure of his opinion as he hasn’t been in touch.

The Bachelor

Met: Online dating site

Probably half a dozen years younger, single and presumably not interested in anything more than casual interactions. Easy to talk to, relaxed man. Met once for drinks and less-than-stellar sex in Oct 09. Undecided if we’ll see each other again. He’s sexually experienced as far as attending mixed nights at gay saunas and some swingers’ parties, but his technique might need broadening — at this stage I don’t know if that’s a challenge or a hindrance.

Status: On-ish.

Lesson learned: To be decided.

Country Hottie

Met: Online dating site

The first man I met from the online world. We expressed mutual attraction but didn’t pursue contact for any real reason except both being new to the game and still window shopping. I also thought he was too far away, however, my view changed after the commencement of our sexual relationship and now knowing the physical rewards for driving a few extra miles. He’s early forties, separated, very easy on the eye, can discuss anything with interest and maintains the body of a professional athlete. Did I mention he’s practised in the more fun aspects of BDSM? He appears to need at least six weeks between meeting women and we’ve caught up a few times for some bondage, making me squirt like a fire hose but refusing to teach me how, engaged in some of the most satisfying sex of my life and at this stage is worth the trouble associated with keeping him around.

Status: He comes and goes.

Lesson learned: Fuck knows, but I squirt!

Mr OMG

Met: Online dating site

Half a dozen years younger, coming out of a long-term relationship but not at the stage of seeing others knowingly without having his balls ripped from his body. I didn’t get a true grip on his erratic communication yet he was sweet in personality and I don’t think he knew how obscenely beautiful he was. On a superficially lustful level, I wanted to experiment with his scarily large cock that shouldn’t come out without a warning sign attached.

Status: His soon-to-be-ex partner allegedly found our text messages and he went to ground. He hasn’t come back; whether his story was truth or fiction I don’t know, but consider him gone. Haven’t heard from him since Feb 09. Update Aug o9: we had some guarded phone contact after seeing each other online again; after feeling a little dead inside that he’s too much hard work I took the opportunity to sample his gifts in the back seat of his car. He seems to be gone again.

Lesson learned: Desire can be strength and also a great weakness. I know I should forget him but I experience great weakness when he returns.

Mr Chilled

Met: Online dating site

Puzzling chap. Amiable, available, with a cock piercing I want to experiment with and we had one exploration in Jan 09 that smacked of promise. Perhaps too relaxed in that he’s happy to respond to messages but initiate nothing and I like and crave the build-up and anticipation between meetings.

Status: His number has been deleted.

Lesson learned: Fuck a cock-pierced man on the first date because it might not happen again.

Urban Vagabond

Met: The blogiverse and online dating site

Handsome, fun, smart man with intriguing and varied history and experiences. We had a positive and enjoyable first meeting in Dec 09. No further meetings but we were a nothing ventured, nothing gained, but nothing promised adventure of the respectful kind.

Status: Hiatus.

Lesson learned: First and only person to know of this site and I discovered the challenge of reflecting and chronicling personally but objectively, knowing he may well read. I’m not concerned at all regarding privacy, but was a lesson to stick to my rule of keeping my private thoughts privately public where I have the choice.

Jekyll

Met: Online dating site

Energetic, sometimes bisexual man out for all he can experience in this life and we were ‘together’ about 10 months. We met weekly in all manner of places such as parks, offices, car parks and hotels due to distance but frequency waned because of an increase in distance. Was probably the healthiest of my partnerships because we liked and lusted after each other but boundaries have remained firm and controlled. A few firsts were with him: fisting, M/F/M threesomes (the F was me yayyyyy), mutual rimming and first car sex in a long time.

Status: Gone after I incited an argument in Mar 09 and we were both too stubborn to back down.

Lesson learned: He was the first person I met from the online dating site and didn’t have a profile photo – communication and gut feel count for a lot.

ArmyDude

Met: Online dating site and work

I bent so many rules with him: have fucked him on his family couch, on his marital bed, in my office and in storerooms after (and occasionally during) business hours. The more I see him, the more I want to explore the touch of the insane and uncontrollable we have. I have had a break or two from contact to cool off the sanity-breaking intensity. Update Aug 09: it’s amazing how knowing that he’s having relationship issues has dampened my enthusiasm for him. We are currently having a break at my request.

Lesson learned: It is okay to fuck at work with the right person and boundaries. I’ll add also to have a mutually agreed exit strategy because I haven’t needed it yet.

Hyde

Met: Online dating site on a profile with Jekyll. I had already met with Jekyll several times before I met Hyde.

Smart, handsome professional on the outside with obvious undertones of kinky devil. One of the most interesting men I’ve met: has been married for 15 years, fucked around for most of them and prefers men for casual liaisons because he considers it less adulterous than having sex with women. Stunning rimmer and had my first two (and only) threesomes with him and Jekyll, for which I’m eternally glad as he surrounds his depravity with consideration and kindness.

Lesson learned: None really. Whether we catch up again or not, the entire experience with him has been lovely.

MB

Met: Online forum

Insanely attractive, depressive man. A long build-up through e-mails resulted in a resounding crash when I flew interstate to meet him mid-last year with all good intentions and close to no commonsense. His marriage had ended not long before we met, leaving the gate wide open for disaster. After some initial sex of the crazed and abandoned kind I live for, he came down with a huge dose of the guilts and shunned me until I got on the plane home. Weirdly enough, we had the history to survive the crash and are friends of sorts, though I’m glad he’s in another part of the country.

Lesson learned: Getting too close is a decision, not an inevitable state. Don’t be so fucking stupid and selfish again.

M1

Met: Sporting activity

Quiet, smart man with an added dimension behind his dark eyes. My first foray into the world of non-monogamy and BDSM starting about mid 2007. Overachiever me honed in on someone with dominant tendencies, a leather paddle, collar and restraints and I rode a rollercoaster of panic, elation, fear, awakening as a submissive and latent desire to wield the tools of punishment myself. I read books, scanned blogs, found BDSM supply shops and lost myself in a swirling tornado of obsession. It took months for me to find the self awareness to stop, reflect and not automatically assume the dominant knows best (after a couple of episodes where I was set up for failure and punished as sport). We drifted and I lost the desire, quite simply (I wish endings would continue to be so clean-cut).

Lesson learned: The BDSM lifestyle isn’t for me, nor are most of its labels and conceptions. I am too fluid in behaviour and desires and learned that it was fine, really okay, to pick the bits I like and incorporate them freely.

The Drummer

My partner, with whom I’ve been in a relationship for close to a decade.

We opened the relationship more than two years ago after lack of sexual satisfaction and infidelity on his side. I took about six months — after agreeing to a trial — to try the new lifestyle. As life has panned out, I’ve adapted and become absorbed in a poly life more actively than him. Our sex life has been in the toilet for the past few months (that’s non-existent sex and not brown-sport scat sex, thank you very much). I’m relaxed as we’re talking regularly and we’ve been around the block enough times to know the cycles of long-term desire wax and wane. Anti-anxiety medications are destroying his libido and erections. I have been there myself with several cycles of anti-depressants and understand the frustration to all involved.

That’s better. Phew.