The first days of being on the sleazy free site again is both liberating with freedom and opportunity and depressing with its falsities and let-downs.

I found a button, though, to click and lock down the age and location brackets so no one more than a decade either way in age or more than 30km can contact me. This pleases me somewhat — I still have to find and filter unsuitable men but at least not waste time on the far-away and barely-legal ones.

I have discovered some odd new rules that help me sort contact requests: I say no to those looking for women up to 15 years younger but no more than a year older (I know it’s their choice and preference but something about the lop-sidedness makes me uncomfortable). I instantly block anyone saying “I don’t know what women here are looking for” or other negative statements (searching is difficult enough without overcoming bitterness before getting to know someone) and anyone with a profile using the word ‘fun’ more than once is discarded as seeking a quick fuck-and-run. I know I am getting older and the group of suitable men is shrinking but I will wait for someone where interaction feels comfortable and open.

One

We chatted for a while and the topics become more adult-oriented without going too far. I was feeling comfortable and we exchanged phone numbers so I sent him a text messsage later in the day to touch base. Two days later he replied with a brief and vague message; I responded and didn’t hear back.

A couple of days later I deleted him from my contact list and received a phone call and text message within 15 minutes asking why I had done that and if I still wanted to catch up. I said no because I thought he had lost interest — he texted a couple more times and I didn’t reply. Interested people show interest and don’t wait for drama.

Two

I sent him a contact request and we chatted for a while. I can’t work him out because he told me several of his secret places for misbehaviour and asked me out on new year’s eve without meeting beforehand, and then he gave me his number and said he never did that and I needed to be discreet. He’s intriguing but I think I’m too jaded to sort out if he’s open-minded and quickly trusting of me or a rampaging sleazebag trying to pretend he’s innocent.

Three

He approached but the only wording in his profile was “I DON’T REVEAL PERSONAL DETAILS ONLINE.” What the fuck?

Four

I added him as a contact and he opened with a question about my open relationship status. I explained and he said, “Why would you do that to someone you say you love?” Things went downhill quickly and he bid me, “Good buy.” I felt a bitter thrill that he couldn’t spell a three-letter word while making a grand statement of a departure.

As usual, this may take some time.